Mindfulness - the power of closing the painful loops of past relationships

Updated: Apr 29

What is your relationship status? and I am not talking a Facebook post either!

An area where I have successfully helped people as a Mindfulness Coach is supporting people with relationships. A new relationship can be a scary new place to go, especially when there has been some hurt in your past.

A relationship that has hit a brick wall equally can be a difficult road to navigate alone. However, once you have the right road map, anything is possible. It is never too late to step off the path and find a new way forward.

The first relationship you must get right is the relationship with yourself. So when I ask your relationship status, I am sorry to say, but it is all about you!

In order to have a mutually successful relationship with anyone, it is imperative to have a great relationship with yourself first. So what is your relationship with you looking like right now?

Do you sometimes feel like you are an imposter in your own life? Do you sabotage your relationships? Are you running on fear? Is your current relationship on fire? Or even worse, Are you avoiding relationships altogether?

These questions might be difficult questions to ask yourself. However, when you find the answers to these questions through mindfulness, it can help bring the parts back of yourself, that you may have lost in your past relationships.

In the modern world, many people have multiple relationships throughout their life. The endings are different for us all, but unfortunately, some are painful and leave a scar. If the suffering that exists below the scar is left unresolved, it will come up again and again, potentially damaging all your future relationships.

You might be asking. What can you do to resolve this?

The answer is more simple than you think. You need to close the loop, just like closing the door behind you or finishing the chapter in a book, before you can move forward. It sounds strange, but when you don’t address the hurt, it becomes an open wound that you continue to loop back to again and again. There are basically four places where you need to heal your suffering within your subconscious, to close the loop of hurt from past relationships.

The first is the original point of suffering. This is the place in your life where the original imprint occurred. It is where the scar in your subconscious resides. It is important to remember, the first point of suffering may not have been in a relationship with a previous partner. It frequently occurs, as a child, in your relationship with one of your parents.

The second is the present point of suffering. Here, it is necessary to close the loop on the reoccurrence, that may have brought you to the present moment where the current suffering is fresh. This is likely your most recent trigger to occur relating to the original point of suffering. Probably, you may not have even realised that your reaction to the current situation, has been triggered by a previous experience. It is likely too that this trigger has happened over something small and inconsequential. However, you may be producing what seems like an over the top response.

The third is the most intense point of suffering. There will have be a trigger event that caused the most intense repeat reaction to the original point of suffering. This one is usually the most painful expression of suffering relating to the original event. So it will likely, either be very easy to remember, or you will have blocked it out because it was so painful. You may need some support to navigate this point of suffering, or even to navigate the entire landscape to understand the whole picture.

The fourth is the potential point of future suffering. This must be dealt with. It is important to set an intention of where you choose to be in the future, regarding the story you have told yourself, overlaid on your original point of suffering. Depending on your age, and therefore the years since the original event, you will have built up an entire story. Without setting an intention, the trigger will likely continue to impact all future relationships.

To clarify how this could potentially look in your life, I think an example may be somewhat useful.

Imagine as a child, you adored your parents, and one of them let you down. Then as a teenager, your first love let you down too. Then you got married, and your partner let you down as well. Are you seeing the pattern? It feels like every person you love lets you down in life right? The future looks like you need to protect yourself from people so no-one can let you down.

Is this example familiar? If it is, know that I understand your pain fully because this was me. I personally had this exact experience, along with many people whom I have met over the years. It is a much more common experience than we probably would like to think.

If you resolve it with one of the four areas, that’s a start. However, you will never completely release suffering, and the fear connected to it until you release it from all four points of suffering. This requires that you release the original, the most intense, the most recent and the future capacity for suffering.

Would you like to know more about how mindfulness can help you navigate past or even present relationships?

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There is an opportunity to begin the journey forward to a beautiful new future filled with love. We can commence the journey together because you have the handbook, and I know the pages to look at.






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