Updated: 6 days ago
Rarely do we get the opportunity to prepare for grieving the loss of someone special from our life. Even when we know it is coming, the inevitable feeling of loss still hits us hard when the day finally arrives. For many of us, even years later, we are still deeply grieving the loss of a loved one.
Loss is felt differently by everyone. However, the holding of that loss is relatively the same for us all. When we hold loss, deep within our heart for extended periods, our heart struggles to continue due to the heaviness of the sorrow, that is weighing us down.
Would your loved one want you to hold your sorrow heavy in your heart? If they could tell you, would they want you to move forward in your life, and enjoy happiness? Would they wish for you to find new love?
Regardless of whether a feeling of loss is due to the passing of someone we loved dearly, or simply a parting of ways in a relationship, loss impacts us all. A loss of any kind is an invaluable lesson to learn in life. In every lesson, there is a seed that contains the way forward. When we avoid confronting the pain of loss, we then don't find the seed. We then become stuck and not able to move forward in life.
When we become stuck, our focus grows deeper and deeper on our pain and sorrow associated with the loss. We often lose our connections to the rest of life, along with all the joy that potentially awaits us.
So why do we so strongly identify with loss in this way? Social and cultural conditioning plays a huge role in the way we learn to deal with loss. Our parents, friends, family, teachers and other influential people in our life as children, show us how to deal with loss. When it arrives we often simply mimic what we have learned through this conditioning.
In the western world, generations of stoicism, fueling unemotive responses to loss as it occurs, can be incredibly detrimental to children's development, particularly when learning to deal with the loss of a loved one themselves. The situation frequently leaves deep unresolved scares, related to the loss that surfaces later in life when they least expect it.
In simple terms, this is a kind of suppression of sorrow and pain. When we suppress it in this way, we are holding onto it, whilst just hiding it from view. I liken this to a ticking timebomb, waiting for an opportunity to be awakened and explode.
In learning the art of surrendering to your feelings during loss, you enable them to move right through you. You feel them, and then you release them into the world, allowing yourself room to move forward in life.
Many of us have learned through social and cultural conditioning that displaying our feelings is a sign of weakness. We also often feel like if we open the flood gates, we won't be able to stop. So the fear of loss of control or being judged acts as a suppressant and controller in our lives.
Mindfulness practices have a beautiful and gentle ability to help us to surrender to loss in our life, feel it and let it go, so that we may move forward. In life, there is motion, with or without our agreement. When the world moves forward without us, we become stuck. The longer we are stuck, the harder it feels to get unstuck.
Would you like to know more about how the mindfulness practice of surrender can help during the grieving process?
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You have the power in your hands to grieve and move forward. What are you going to do with it?